Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and made us use a precious link on our home page to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a Netwakening! It is really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here is the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non commercial, personal use. If you do, though, do not fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They are there for a really good reason. And do not even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re posting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it is not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you are also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA. You should not access or browse the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start, there is no turning back – you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here is the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:
1. For the sake of everyone, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it is not. So you can not use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it is not likely we will give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it is better you do not even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we are not promising you it is accurate. In fact, we are not promising you anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you are using it at your own risk. Do not call us if there is a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes Direct, Incidental, Consequential, Indirect, or Punitive Damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you AS IS WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we could not figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here is the bottom line – we are not responsible if you are browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that does not happen, but if it does, do not call us.
4. If you do not want the world to know something, do not post in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That is because anything you disclose to us is ours. That is right – ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the information you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property or the property of someone else we are using with their permission. No matter what, it is definitely not your property. You or any of your net friends can not use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what – we will not say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There are also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site that either we own or we are using with the permission of someone else. So do not think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you do not and we are not about to give you one. If you do not leave them alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we will probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we are likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of others.
7. You will probably notice we have linked our site to lots of others. While that is cool, it does not mean we have looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what is going on. So do not blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you are doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And do not be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law – anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can not download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department list of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you are not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
10. We are also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site any time we want to. That is because it is ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you are bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
11. If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to sue (a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of California, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate Startimportexportbusiness.com.au and/or its affiliates intellectual property rights, Startimportexportbusiness.com.au and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the State of California, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed upon mediator in the following location: California. Any costs and fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the following location: California, under the rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
Thursday 6th, February 2014